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This year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your choice to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {